幸福演講

TED

What makes a good life? Lessons from the longest study on happiness

文化? 2017-08-09

0:00

12:50

00: 01 / 12: 50

全文中英英語

What keeps us healthy and happy

在我們的人生中

as we go through life?

是什麽讓我們保持健康且幸福呢？

If you were going to invest now

如果現在妳可以

in your future best self,

為未來的自己投資

where would you put your time and your energy?

妳會把時間和精力投資在哪裏呢？

There was a recent survey of millennials

最近在千禧壹代中有這麽壹個調查

asking them what their most important life goals were,

問他們生活中最重要的目標是什麽

and over 80 percent said

超過80%的人說

that a major life goal for them was to get rich.

最大的生活目標就是要有錢

And another 50 percent of those same young adults

還有50%的年輕人說

said that another major life goal

另壹個重要的生活目標

was to become famous.

就是要出名

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

And we’re constantly told to lean in to work, to push harder

而且我們總是被灌輸要投入工作，要加倍努力

and achieve more.

要成就更多。

We’re given the impression that these are the things that we need to go after

我們被灌輸了這樣壹種觀念，只有做到剛才說的這些

in order to have a good life.

才能有好日子過。

Pictures of entire lives,

要人們縱觀整個人生，

of the choices that people make and how those choices work out for them,

想象各種選擇，以及這些選擇最終導致的結果，

those pictures are almost impossible to get.

幾乎是不可能的。

Most of what we know about human life

關於人的壹生，我們能了解到的，

we know from asking people to remember the past,

大部分都是通過人的回憶得來，

and as we know, hindsight is anything but 20/20.

但眾所周知，大部分都是事後諸葛。

We forget vast amounts of what happens to us in life,

壹生中，我們會忘記很多發生過的事情，

and sometimes memory is downright creative.

而且記憶常常不可靠。

But what if we could watch entire lives

但如果我們可以從頭到尾地

as they unfold through time?

縱觀人的壹生呢？

What if we could study people from the time that they were teenagers

如果我們可以跟蹤研究壹個人，從他少年時代開始

all the way into old age

壹直到他步入晚年，

to see what really keeps people happy and healthy?

看看究竟是什麽讓人保持快樂和健康呢？

We did that.

我們做到了。

The Harvard Study of Adult Development

哈佛大學（進行的）這項關於成人發展的研究，

may be the longest study of adult life that’s ever been done.

可能是同類研究中耗時最長的。

For 75 years, we’ve tracked the lives of 724 men,

在75年時間裏，我們跟蹤了724個人的壹生，

year after year, asking about their work, their home lives, their health,

年復壹年，了解他們的工作、家庭生活、健康狀況，

and of course asking all along the way without knowing how their life stories

當然，在這壹過程中，我們完全不知道他們的人生

were going to turn out.

將走向何方。

Studies like this are exceedingly rare.

像這樣的研究少之又少。

Almost all projects of this kind fall apart within a decade

像這樣的項目幾乎都會在10年內終止，

because too many people drop out of the study,

因為有許多人會中途退出，

or funding for the research dries up,

或者是研究資金不足，

or the researchers get distracted,

或者是研究者轉換方向，

or they die, and nobody moves the ball further down the field.

或者去世，然後項目無人接手。

But through a combination of luck

但感謝幸運女神的眷顧

and the persistence of several generations of researchers,

和幾代研究人員的堅持不懈，

this study has survived.

這個項目存活下來了。

About 60 of our original 724 men

目前這724人中

are still alive,

仍有60人在世，

still participating in the study,

仍然在參與研究

most of them in their 90s.

大多數人已經90多歲了。

And we are now beginning to study

現在我們已經開始研究

the more than 2,000 children of these men.

他們的子孫後代，人數多達2000多人。

And I’m the fourth director of the study.

我是這個項目的第四任負責人。

Since 1938, we’ve tracked the lives of two groups of men.

從1938年起，我們開始跟蹤兩組人的生活。

The first group started in the study

第壹組加入這個項目的人，

when they were sophomores at Harvard College.

當年在哈佛大學上大二。

They all finished college during World War II,

他們在二戰期間大學畢業，

and then most went off to serve in the war.

大部分人都參軍作戰了。

And the second group that we’ve followed

我們追蹤的第二組人

was a group of boys from Boston’s poorest neighborhoods,

是壹群來自波士頓貧民區的小男孩，

boys who were chosen for the study

他們之所以被選中，

specifically because they were from some of the most troubled

主要是因為他們來自20世紀30年代波士頓

and disadvantaged families

最困難

in the Boston of the 1930s.

最貧困的家庭。

Most lived in tenements,many without hot and cold running water.

大部分住在廉價公寓裏，很多都沒有冷熱水供應。

When they entered the study,

在加入這個項目時，

all of these teenagers were interviewed.

這些年輕人都接受了面試。

They were given medical exams.

接受了身體檢查。

We went to their homes and we interviewed their parents.

我們挨家挨戶走訪了他們的父母。

And then these teenagers grew up into adults

然後這些年輕人長大成人，

who entered all walks of life.

進入到社會各個階層。

They became factory workers and lawyers and bricklayers and doctors,

成為了工人、律師、磚匠、醫生，

one President of the United States.

還有壹位成了美國總統。

Some developed alcoholism.A few developed schizophrenia.

有人成為酒鬼，有人患了精神分裂。

Some climbed the social ladder

有人從社會最底層

from the bottom all the way to the very top,

壹路青雲直上，

and some made that journey in the opposite direction.

也有人恰相反，掉落雲端。

The founders of this study

這個項目的創始人們，

would never in their wildest dreams

可能做夢都不會想到

have imagined that I would be standing here today, 75 years later,

75年後的今天，我會站在這裏，

telling you that the study still continues.

告訴妳們這個項目還在繼續。

Every two years, our patient and dedicated research staff

每兩年，我們耐心而專註的研究人員

calls up our men and asks them if we can send them

會打電話給我們的研究對象，問他們是否願意

yet one more set of questions about their lives.

再做壹套關於他們生活的問卷。

Many of the inner city Boston men ask us,

那些來自波士頓的人問我們，

Why do you keep wanting to study me? My life just isn’t that interesting.

“為什麽妳們壹直想研究我？我的生活是很無趣的。”

The Harvard men never ask that question.

但哈佛的人從沒這樣問過。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

To get the clearest picture of these lives,

為了更好地了解這些人的生活，

we don’t just send them questionnaires.

我們不光給他們發問卷。

We interview them in their living rooms.

我們還在他們家客廳采訪他們。

We get their medical records from their doctors.

從他們醫生那兒拿病歷。

We draw their blood, we scan their brains,

抽他們的血，掃描他們的大腦，

we talk to their children.

跟他們的孩子聊天。

We videotape them talking with their wives about their deepest concerns.

我們拍攝下他們和妻子談話的場景，聊的都是他們最關心的問題。

And when, about a decade ago,we finally asked the wives

大約在10年前，我們終於開口問他們的妻子，

if they would join us as members of the study,

是否願意加入我們的研究，

many of the women said,"You know, it’s about time."

很多女士都說，“是啊，終於輪到我們了。”

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

So what have we learned?

那麽我們得到了什麽結論呢？

What are the lessons that come from the tens of thousands of pages

那長達幾萬頁的數據記錄，記錄了他們的生活，

of information that we’ve generated

我們從這些記錄中間，

on these lives?

到底學到了什麽？

Well, the lessons aren’t about wealth or fame or working harder and harder.

不是關於財富、名望，或更加努力工作。

The clearest message that we get from this 75-year study is this:

從75年的研究中，我們得到的最明確的結論是：

Good relationships keep us happier and healthier. Period.

良好的人際關系能讓人更加快樂和健康。就這樣。

We’ve learned three big lessons about relationships.

關於人際關系，我們得到三大結論。

The first is that social connections are really good for us,

第壹，社會關系對我們是有益的，

and that loneliness kills.

而孤獨寂寞有害健康。

It turns out that people who are more socially connected

我們發現，那些跟家庭成員更親近的人，

to family, to friends, to community,

更愛與朋友、與鄰居交往的人，

are happier, they’re physically healthier,and they live longer

會比那些不善交際、離群索居的人，

than people who are less well connected.

更快樂，更健康，更長壽。

And the experience of loneliness turns out to be toxic.

孤獨寂寞是有害健康的。

People who are more isolated than they want to be from others

那些“被孤立”的人，跟不孤單的人相比，

find that they are less happy,

往往更加不快樂，

their health declines earlier in midlife,

等他們人到中年時，健康狀況下降更快，

their brain functioning declines sooner

大腦功能下降得更快，

and they live shorter lives than people who are not lonely.

也沒那麽長壽。

And the sad fact is that at any given time,

可惜的是，長久以來，

more than one in five Americans will report that they’re lonely.

每5個美國人中就至少有1個聲稱自己是孤獨的。

And we know that you can be lonely in a crowd

而且即便妳身在人群中，甚至已經結婚了，

and you can be lonely in a marriage,

妳還是可能感到孤獨，

so the second big lesson that we learned

因此我們得到的第二大結論是

is that it’s not just the number of friends you have,

不是妳有多少朋友，

and it’s not whether or not you’re in a committed relationship,

也不是妳身邊有沒有伴侶，

but it’s the quality of your close relationships that matters.

真正有影響的是這些關系的質量。

It turns out that living in the midst of conflict is really bad for our health.

整天吵吵鬧鬧，對健康是有害的。

High-conflict marriages, for example,without much affection,

比如成天吵架，沒有愛的婚姻，

turn out to be very bad for our health,perhaps worse than getting divorced.

對健康的影響或許比離婚還大。

And living in the midst of good,warm relationships is protective.

而關系和睦融洽，則對我們的健康有益。

Once we had followed our men all the way into their 80s,

當我們的研究對象步入80歲時，

we wanted to look back at them at midlife

我們會回顧他們的中年生活

and to see if we could predict

看我們能否預測

who was going to grow into a happy, healthy octogenarian

哪些人會在八九十歲時過得快樂健康

and who wasn’t.

哪些人不會。

And when we gathered together everything we knew about them

我們把他們50歲時的所有信息

at age 50,

進行匯總分析，

it wasn’t their middle age cholesterol levels

發現決定他們將如何老去的，

that predicted how they were going to grow old.

並不是他們中年時的膽固醇水平。

It was how satisfied they were in their relationships.

而是他們對婚姻生活的滿意度。

The people who were the most satisfied in their relationships at age 50

那些在50歲時滿意度最高的人，

were the healthiest at age 80.

在80歲時也是最健康的。

And good, close relationships seem to buffer us

另外，良好和親密的婚姻關系

from some of the slings and arrows of getting old.

能減緩衰老帶來的痛苦。

Our most happily partnered men and women

參與者中那些最幸福的夫妻告訴我們，

reported, in their 80s,

在他們80多歲時，

that on the days when they had more physical pain,

哪怕身體出現各種毛病，

their mood stayed just as happy.

他們依舊覺得日子很幸福。

But the people who were in unhappy relationships,

而那些婚姻不快樂的人，

on the days when they reported more physical pain,

身體上會出現更多不適，

it was magnified by more emotional pain.

因為壞情緒把身體的痛苦放大了。

And the third big lesson that we learned about relationships and our health

關於婚姻和健康的關系，我們得到的第三大結論是，

is that good relationships don’t just protect our bodies,

幸福的婚姻不單能保護我們的身體，

they protect our brains.

還能保護我們的大腦。

It turns out that being in a securely attached relationship

研究發現，如果在80多歲時，

to another person in your 80s is protective,

妳的婚姻生活還溫暖和睦，

that the people who are in relationships

妳對自己的另壹半

where they really feel they can count on the other person in times of need,

依然信任有加，知道對方在關鍵時刻能指望得上，

those people’s memories stay sharper longer.

那麽妳的記憶力都不容易衰退。

And the people in relationships

而反過來，

where they feel they really can’t count on the other one,

那些覺得無法信任自己的另壹半的人，

those are the people who experience earlier memory decline.

記憶力會更早表現出衰退。

And those good relationships,they don’t have to be smooth all the time.

幸福的婚姻，並不意味著從不拌嘴。

Some of our octogenarian couples could bicker with each other

有些夫妻，八九十歲了，

day in and day out,

還天天鬥嘴，

but as long as they felt that they could really count on the other

但只要他們堅信，在關鍵時刻，

when the going got tough,

對方能靠得住，

those arguments didn’t take a toll on their memories.

那這些爭吵頂多只是生活的調味劑。

So this message,

所以請記住，

that good, close relationships are good for our health and well-being,

幸福和睦的婚姻對健康是有利的，

this is wisdom that’s as old as the hills.

這是永恒的真理。

Why is this so hard to get and so easy to ignore?

但為什麽我們總是辦不到呢？

Well, we’re human.

因為我們是人類。

What we’d really like is a quick fix,

我們總喜歡找捷徑，

something we can get

總想壹勞永逸，

that’ll make our lives good and keep them that way.

找到壹種方法，解決所有問題。

Relationships are messy and they’re complicated

人際關系麻煩又復雜，

and the hard work of tending to family and friends,

與家人、朋友相處需要努力付出，

it’s not sexy or glamorous.

壹點也不高大上。

It’s also lifelong. It never ends.

而且需要壹輩子投入，無窮無盡。

The people in our 75-year study who were the happiest in retirement

在我們長達75年的研究中，那些最享受退休生活的人，

were the people who had actively worked to replace workmates with new playmates.

是那些主動用玩伴來替代工作夥伴的人。

Just like the millennials in that recent survey,

就像開頭我說過的千禧壹代壹樣，

many of our men when they were starting out as young adults

我們跟蹤研究的很多人在年輕的時候

really believed that fame and wealth and high achievement

堅信名望、財富和成就

were what they needed to go after to have a good life.

是他們過上好日子的保證。

But over and over, over these 75 years,our study has shown

但在75年的時間裏，我們的研究壹次次地證明，

that the people who fared the best were the people who leaned in to relationships,

日子過得最好的，是那些主動與人交往的人，

with family, with friends, with community.

與家人、朋友或者鄰居。

So what about you?

那麽妳們呢？

Let’s say you’re 25,or you’re 40, or you’re 60.

也許妳現在25歲，或者40歲，或者60歲。

What might leaning in to relationships even look like?

怎樣才算主動與人交往呢？

Well, the possibilities are practically endless.

嗯，我想有很多種方法吧。

It might be something as simple as replacing screen time with people time

最簡單的，別再跟屏幕聊天了，去跟人聊天，

or livening up a stale relationship by doing something new together,

或者壹起嘗試些新事物，讓關系恢復活力，

long walks or date nights,

壹起散個步呀，晚上約個會呀，

or reaching out to that family member who you haven’t spoken to in years,

或者給多年未曾聯系的親戚打個電話，

because those all-too-common family feuds

因為這種家庭不和睦太常見了，

take a terrible toll

但它帶來的傷害又很大，

on the people who hold the grudges.

尤其對那些喜歡生悶氣的人來說更是如此。

I’d like to close with a quote from Mark Twain. More than a century ago,

我想引用馬克?吐溫的壹段話來作為結束。壹個多世紀前， ”

he was looking back on his life, and he wrote this: "There isn’t time, so brief is life,

他回首自己的人生，寫下這樣壹段話： “時光荏苒，生命短暫，

for bickerings, apologies, heartburnings, callings to account.

別將時間浪費在爭吵、道歉、傷心和責備上。

There is only time for loving, and but an instant, so to speak, for that."

用時間去愛吧，哪怕只有壹瞬間，也不要辜負他。

The good life is built with good relationships.

美好人生，從美好的人際關系開始。

Thank you.

謝謝大家。

(Applause)

（掌聲）

賞0贊0踩0